Who knew that the pregnant pause before my suicidal plan could birth me into a world far more real than the one I was trying to leave? And the best part about it was, I got to keep my body.
Even into my thirties, it was still happening. And for the life of me, I didn’t know how to stop it. I do remember watching everyone around me and coveting their normal lives. I fantasized about living in their world, perfectly content with a simple, multiple-choice earthly existence, and one without multidimensional intrusions. The life I got wasn’t even an option on the 3D-page. It seems I have always lived between worlds. The pretending to fit was the hardest part. At my 1998 crisis point, I begged for two things: my ending, or that blessed cup of Kool Aid that made everyone else so content with the way things were.
Today, I am eternally grateful that these otherly beings ignored my demands. Instead, they persisted in their plan to crack me open even further, and restore my inner technologies through a series of bioenergetic events. Little did I know that I was being prepared to meet you here, in this intersection between worlds.
I am not alone. Many others like me are gathered here on the threshold. They too survived life on Earth without the sleepy drink. Some are fully aware of who they are, and some are just stepping into it. Whether we are fully conscious of it or not, the proverbial Kool Aid was not in our destiny.
Journal Entry: January 29, 1996
As I lay in bed, waiting for sleep to come, I felt a familiar energy and presence fill the room. I switched back to childhood, as it was the same no-time feelings. I was the little girl and the grown woman, feeling the anxiety build inside of me. I didn’t want to fear it, but it just happens. I said a prayer of protection and I blacked out. I woke up within the lucid encounter state.
Light beings were outside on the street and floating back and forth through my window. I was being shown several pages of writing, and I was getting a ton of information again. Learning so much. The writing was beyond foreign to the human part of me, but I understood it quite clearly in the dream experience. It was a series of squiggly symbols, lines, and dots. There were other unexplained elements too – like there were other dimensions that lit up above the pages. It was normal for this language to be multidimensional.
The vibration was quite high because there was that constant, borderline anxiety. I woke up feeling wonderful and at peace.
Chapter IV
Koyopa Contact Within: The Plumed Serpent Rises
Things changed when I decided that ending my life would end my splintering. There was a glaring rift between who I really was and who I was told I had to be. In my childhood, it was completely natural, these states of communion with tall gold and blue light beings. Still, my parents marched them right out of my life. And not without a shitstorm of shame to fill the void. Later, it took these other aspects of my OverSelf to push through and remind me that I was far more than what I was told. And when I realized this, my work and service in the world would be to tell everyone I knew, that this was who they were too.
For me, there was nothing in Kool Aid-land to explain it. And whether it manifested as pain, or later encounters of Grace, there was no one I could tell. Even those closest to me.
Journal Entry: May 14, 1997
D and I are on the West Coast of Florida at one of his best friend’s homes. Earlier in the day, we had a great time at the beach and ate some incredible food. The first day had worn me out, so I lay down in the guest room to take a nap. I felt the energy or presence that I haven’t felt in a while. I had to moan quietly with the surges of pleasurable energy. Before this, I was not feeling pleasure; I was exhausted and crabby.
After sleeping for a few hours, I awoke with surges of energy coursing through my body. Someone turned it up to high. I couldn’t make myself become fully conscious, but I did toss and turn some. When I lay still on my back for a moment, my hands went up and moved on their own. It’s one of the most glorious things I’ve ever felt, but I remember wanting it to stop because it was too much for the time and place. Eventually it did, but it took a while. I had mixed feelings. “I want this” and “It’s too much to deal with this on vacation in someone’s guest room!”
Trust me, these activities (and many more) were not conducive to traditional marriages. As you might guess, our pink roses and picket fences were eventually obliterated. My husband and I divorced four years later.
Chapter IV
Koyopa Contact Within: The Plumed Serpent Rises
I knew that I could no longer endure what seemed to be the next level of dualistic agony – between my outer acceptable identities and the continued program with my visitors. Everything shut down. I suppose these days it would be called severe depression, but I call it a life-or-death standoff with my soul. It was a deep quaking within my core – a presence that was no longer willing to be pushed to the sidelines or back to the basement of my consciousness. It was time to reconcile with a soul that intimately knew its Source and was demanding that the wayward, or localized, “I” on Earth join back up with the team.
Chapter IV
Koyopa Contact Within: The Plumed Serpent Rises
One day, not long after weeks of these epic fits of rage, I woke up and felt very different. The inner voice echoed deep within every cell of my being.
“Are you ready to proceed?”
The Presence
~ Eileen
I share these excerpts from my first book as I have ongoing inspirations to manifest another body of work. Over the last few months I have experienced many more downloads/upgrades/changes. If you’d like to support my work, I invite you to buy my first book, my music, and/or make a donation to the cause. The next project will be a “Field Guide” for adapting to the new consciousness, and refamiliarizing ourselves with the language of the Unified Field. With over 300 messages from them, and counting, it turns out there is a way to un-drink the Kool Aid, and fully remember who we are. #Gratitude.
Eileen is an author, mystic, songstress, and is actively listening, unpacking, and integrating the Divine codes within. After many numinous experiences, she receives guiding messages for our evolution in consciousness and is here to help others remember the inner cosmic highway within. She has been an invited speaker and facilitator on the topics of the Divine Feminine, evolving consciousness, and the deeper meaning of extraterrestrial, or inter-dimensional contact.
Eileen’s website: Further information about Eileen’s story here, info about Enter the Dialogue groups, private sessions, and mentoring.
Eileen’s book on Amazon —
Koyopa Contact Within: The Plumed Serpent Rises
Koyopa: (n) lightning [Momos]; inner soul (receives supernatural messages)
from the Language of Mayan K’iche’. It is the Mayan term for Kundalini.
Eileen’s music on iTunes
I resonate so much with your words, I wish this blog was 3x as long! So excited that this next book project is shaping up! And what a treat to hear a new-to-me song. Thank you for the gift of you!
Thank you, my friend. It seems just when things were ending, we are beginning again.
It’s the rhythm of the natural cycle….. 🙂
Wonderful and completely relate able Eileen!!! Ty for sharing. No apparently the cool aid is not…
Thank you for being here, John.