From Polished to Raw: My Halloween Story

backbw300In the Fall of 1998, I lost my job and I quit the band. It may have appeared to be the coolest life ever, and for a while, it really was. But one morning I awoke, and I found I couldn’t take one step further inside the four walls of the life that I had created. So I watched it all come tumbling down. This was my giving up. But not without first giving the Creator of All a piece of my mind – and just an inch away from suicide. It turns out later, I gave it all of my mind – the mind that had been programmed with falsities, about who I am, about who we all are. This Eileen died on Halloween. It was my fall from polished to raw.

“Even though I had to keep up an occasional positive face to friends and family in the outer world, mostly I kept myself secluded away from everyone. I have memory glimpses of modernpeasantsbeing completely out of my mind – distraught with weeping on the kitchen floor, the bedroom floor, in the shower (when I had the available energy), and in my car. I would drive to the store, the mountains, and the beach to numbly sit and stare. But mostly, I drove myself into oblivion. One day, not long after weeks of these epic fits of rage, I woke up and felt very different.” Chap 5. Koyopa Contact Within, by Eileen Meyer

This was when the bioenergetic event occurred. They name it Kundalini in Sanskrit, and Koyopa in K’iche Maya. Names don’t matter. It’s what set me on a new course. When the music started pouring through these new openings, I did my best to capture them, and care for them. I didn’t consider myself a songwriter, but this innocent beauty was falling into me. I simply caught these words and sounds, as one would instinctively reach out to catch a whole nest of baby birds, accidentally tumbling from their home above.

At the time, I was finishing up my third year of energy healing school in San Diego, CA. By graduation in Spring of 1999, my plans to practice energy healing with my hands and heart had changed completely. Well, not completely. This Divine Presence that had met me inside every cell of my body, and transformed me, was suggesting that I now add my voice to the mix. I had to relearn how to play the piano, as it had once been a childhood mediocre skill at best. My knee-jerk reaction to all of this was simply to provide a new nest for one of these first little fallen birds. After all, it was only a few weeks earlier I had angrily pronounced my resignation from music forever.

For my graduation presentation, the Director of the School of Enlightenment and Healing (name at the time) encouraged me to sing these songs to my fellow graduates. Even though I’d been a rock and roll singer fronting bands for years, the thought of this was utterly terrifying to me. Who or what would be performing now? I found myself with no mask to cover over the uncool or undefined me; that floating essence with no name, rank, story, or file. Now that it felt restored, I knew that this Field of Presence within me had no interest in ever being suppressed again. So in spite of it being one of the scariest moments of my life, I did it. You know, the angels had always said, don’t run from the fear, meet it.

When the mind-blowing synchronicities later manifested an amazing producer and now lifelong friend, the song was reduced to the usual 3 to 4-minute formula. Below is the professionally-produced end result, recorded just a few months later that year in Solana Beach, CA.  And below that is the well-hidden video of me singing the song, All of Creation, not long after I’d caught that “baby bird.” It’s terribly imperfect, due to the absolute panic of exposing these deeper aspects of myself, and because I’d only been playing the keys for a few months. This is the opposite of the cool, perfectionist, rocker chick who died on Halloween of the previous year.

The moral of the story? Find and reveal who you truly are. In these times, the false stories of who we thought we were may come to a screeching halt – with or without our egoic consent. Truth is being restored. From my view today, I find it far more terrifying to slip back into those old identities again, with all the temporary masks and costumes that kept my soul at bay. I say, embrace the Great Unknown. Be raw. Be real. Be you.

Here is the end result. Reduced to 4:11 mins. Produced by Larry Mitchell.


And here is me being exposed, vulnerable, facing my fears, raw. This is the original 6-min version of how it landed into me.


Eileen is an author, mystic, songstress, and a work-in-progress. After a lifetime of numinous experiences, she receives guiding messages for our evolution in consciousness and is here to help others remember this inner cosmic doorway too. She has been an invited speaker and facilitator on the topics of evolving consciousness and the deeper meaning of extraterrestrial, or interdimensional contact.


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6 thoughts on “From Polished to Raw: My Halloween Story

  1. Love the story of your “awakening”.  The song is surely one of the loveliest “birds” you caught falling from the nest.  Your music is such a gift.  Hope you are receiving more inspiration for future songs.Love and hugsVicki

  2. from a pure musical perspective, I like the original/raw/longer version much more. Looking into my crystal ball I envision an “Eileen Unplugged” CD with alternate/raw/extended takes of your favorites. Embrace your inner Grateful Dead!

    1. Thank you for that, Steve. I’m experiencing quite the exploration of music creation again, and perhaps the next project also arrives in an unexpected way. Currently following the synchronicities 🙂

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