Since my full Kundalini awakening that occurred in 1998, I have been integrating. Make no mistake. It takes many years to more deeply understand and reorient to the new self and its relationship with people, places and things. Unless one knows someone in their midst that has experienced the same or similar transformational events, we are pretty much on our own in this reorientation process. It is a breathtakingly solitary path. Translating it to those who have not experienced, or at least studied these things, is near impossible. In addition, I have also found that if we are a woman, it may be even more challenging. Our Western cultural conditioning seems unwilling to witness, and therefore welcome, individuation in feminine form.
This merging with the Divine is available to all. Although, how many of us want to truly know this Presence directly? I did. Perhaps the only difference between one who has experienced this, and one who has not, is truly wanting it. Back then I asked, begged, screamed, pleaded, and prayed in every conscious moment to know God. And IT responded. You see, back then I wanted to die, but suicide wasn’t the way for me. So for those who want to end their life as they know it, this is a way to die to all that you thought you knew, to restore your Divine Light, and stay.
Last night, as I was researching for my upcoming April talk in Southern Colorado, I landed on the quote below. Validation is like food when it arrives, especially as a wandering, hungry-for-a-way-to-explain-it-on-Earth experiencer. At the time I had no solid reference for the Beloved. Now, after 21 years, I do.
“Union with the Inner Beloved fuses both the conscious and the unconscious, the objective and the relational, the particular and the transcendent. In accomplishing this union, one experiences love below the levels of persona (that which we receive from and project back to society), ego (that which we believe we are), shadow (that which we believe we are not), myth (those symbols we share with all humanity) to the level of Self (that which we really are, the central essence of the soul).”
Man and His Symbols, ed. Carl G. Jung et al (New York: Dell, 1964), pp. 157-254.
The Inner Beloved ©2004 David J. Wilson
Updated December 4, 2004
An excerpt from my book, Koyopa: Contact Within, The Plumed Serpent Rises
“…An endless stream of my guttural responses to Infinity transitioned into silence. Finally, after a slight shift in composure by returning upright in the chair, I found my words, “What do I name this Love? I need to know. Please.” I said it with a tone and resolve I had not previously known within my being. There was no hesitation as it responded with a decisive force. Pictures rapidly burst into my mind’s eye – just like when I was a child in the sandbox. Except this time, there was far more light, far more acceleration, and far more pressure in the center of my head.
The light incinerated my eyes as the pictures and movie clips rushed by so rapidly that I could not make out any single frame. Then it abruptly stopped. It zoomed in on the face of an exquisitely, beautiful young man standing before me. And it stopped again.
I gasped and cried out from the sheer intensity, as well as the deep pain and recognition of this presence. I knew it well. This exquisite heart before me had rushed in with the force of a thousand waterfalls of firelight – with the singular intention to blend with my own little embers. I cried out again, as if it were my final breath, “Please, please. What do I name you? This Love? This Presence? I feel you. I know you. I love you [weeping]… no words.”
There was a very long pause. I composed myself, and naturally rocked to and fro with the energies. Soon, in its own perfect rhythm within our cocreated song, I heard-felt the response very clearly, “Beloved.” He boomed and radiated into my consciousness and every cell of my physicality, “I AM here.” With this, I wept even more. I again lost my capacity to think, process, and find a suitable stopping place in which to file the experience or the Presence. I was aware that there was a distinct choice. If I resisted the oncoming force of these searing currents of light, I would have succumbed to an indescribable, fiery pain. If I continued to surrender, it would be terrifying, but I knew that I would survive…”
Back then, I found that music was the most satisfying way to explain. After three days on the couch, in and out of sleep and completely delirious from this divine meeting, this song arrived:
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