The God Connection

I have just self-diagnosed myself as a “High-Functioning Autistic”. After reading the book (“Autism and the God Connection”) recommended by a new friend (who is uncannily a lot like myself), I am stunned and silenced right now – in a whirlwind of sorts. I have always been very, very different, but somehow managed to survive, with extra effort and the development of well-honed coping mechanisms, but I had no idea that there is an actual label for my ‘type’.

I was like many other people, relating and identifying with autism in some strange way, but thinking that I couldn’t possibly be that because I could talk and write and function in the world – for the most part. Actually, writing comes much easier than talking. It always has.

I recommend the book if you feel very, very different from others. You may find it helpful too. I found that it helped me to feel better about myself and my spiritual ‘gifts’. Divine Guidance has always been present in my life – from infancy to now. And what I am guided in now is to be back out in the world. This is my pattern though – to be in the world for a time, become exhausted, retreat and heal, and then emerge again. The cycle has come back around to being ‘out there’. I have always been supported in various and creative ways to ‘hide out’ when I need to, but alas this sweet retreat time is over.

I feel afraid because I have lost my ability to numb myself, to multi-task, to pretend to be something that I’m not. I’m just who I am. And if you allow me to be who I am, I do blossom and I can do things that seem miraculous at times; but it’s not. It’s just who I am… and truly, who we all are.

Please be who you really are,
Not just on the inside,
But on the outside too.
I don’t want to be alone out there…
Again.
I promise this time
I won’t cry,
“I don’t fit in!”
Somehow I’ll give and receive
Permission
To just be that Love,
That Peace in the world
Now.

8 thoughts on “The God Connection

  1. Eileen, I respect your search for meaning and your experiences but please don\’t succumb to labeling yourself, that can be deadly. Please don\’t be so hard on yourself and I will promise to do the same. I too struggle with wanting to hide away from it all but remember, as long as we are alive we are in the world and no amount of rearranging will change that. It doesn\’t mean we have to be like the people we see around us though! And that\’s ok! Much respect to you and your journey!

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  2. Kimberly-Tree, Thank you for your caring and cautionary words. I do agree with you. It\’s not a good thing to label ourselves. In sticking to pure feelings though, what I received from the book was a sense of comfort and relief that I am not alone, plus it explains a whole lot about my childhood and life that I couldn\’t previously find words for. In truth, I never need to mention it again because I already got what I needed! The author, William Stillman, is doing good work to clear up this misconception that autism is a handicap. Rather, it is a blessing to this world… if it is welcomed.

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  3. Eileen,I feel relief that there are folks going through similar experiences and feeling similar feelings to mine. It helps to ease the strain I feel coming from the struggle of life. I always appreciate your posts. Steve

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  4. Eileen~Thank you for sharing all of that!Your thoughts are beautiful!You are beautiful!I am always so refreshed and in awe when I read your posts….and especially now!Blessings to you on your journey !

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  5. Eileen,Would you be willing to post some thoughts on living in Hawaii? I\’ve never been but would like to see it. I know it\’s not what your blog is about but I\’m curious.

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  6. Hmmm. In response to your question Tree, I may be able to write in a future post about the feeling of Hawaii and how it supports my well being, but I certainly don\’t have the knowledge of a tour-guide type. Hawaii is sanctuary for me, and contrary to most tourist-type folks that visit the Islands for fun and frolic, this location is more about \’being\’ for me – rather than\’doing\’. I\’m happy to help in any way I can though. Perhaps drop me a line via my profile e-mail address if you are planning a visit and need more details…

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