I have just self-diagnosed myself as a “High-Functioning Autistic”. After reading the book (“Autism and the God Connection”) recommended by a new friend (who is uncannily a lot like myself), I am stunned and silenced right now – in a whirlwind of sorts. I have always been very, very different, but somehow managed to survive, with extra effort and the development of well-honed coping mechanisms, but I had no idea that there is an actual label for my ‘type’.
I was like many other people, relating and identifying with autism in some strange way, but thinking that I couldn’t possibly be that because I could talk and write and function in the world – for the most part. Actually, writing comes much easier than talking. It always has.
I recommend the book if you feel very, very different from others. You may find it helpful too. I found that it helped me to feel better about myself and my spiritual ‘gifts’. Divine Guidance has always been present in my life – from infancy to now. And what I am guided in now is to be back out in the world. This is my pattern though – to be in the world for a time, become exhausted, retreat and heal, and then emerge again. The cycle has come back around to being ‘out there’. I have always been supported in various and creative ways to ‘hide out’ when I need to, but alas this sweet retreat time is over.
I feel afraid because I have lost my ability to numb myself, to multi-task, to pretend to be something that I’m not. I’m just who I am. And if you allow me to be who I am, I do blossom and I can do things that seem miraculous at times; but it’s not. It’s just who I am… and truly, who we all are.
Please be who you really are,
Not just on the inside,
But on the outside too.
I don’t want to be alone out there…
I promise this time
I won’t cry,
“I don’t fit in!”
Somehow I’ll give and receive
To just be that Love,
That Peace in the world