Sometimes I come across interesting things that I’ve written and forgotten about… until I’m searching for something else and stumble upon it. This morning I decided to get serious again about why I decided to blog in the first place. Six months ago I announced that I was writing a book. I’ve got pieces of this book everywhere – on my laptop, two external hard drives, two blogs, binders, papers, and more papers. Folders of files include journals (spanning 26 years), songs, poetry, channelings, e-mails, movies, photos – all fragments that long to be brought into a whole picture; a whole story. I made that commitment this morning and then found the computer file (below) from Fall of last year. I spend far too much time on the internet these days. I love it, but I also find that I distract myself with it as well. You know how it is. Anyway, I believe that the excerpt below was one of my many attempts to begin the sharing of my story. There is also another large start over on my first blog, What I Know by Heart. I believe that all of my writing up to this point has been to exercise my writing muscles, to build up the confidence I require to finally… ahem… get to the heart of the matter.
Below you will find, “Life Story Start #438” (just kidding). The point is, the sharing of my story is designed to lead into the knowing power and bliss that I have ‘accidently’ discovered, and how I apply it in my daily life now. It is a story of not only the evolution of my own consciousness, but I believe it may speak to the evolution of humankind. Some are calling this, ‘the Divine Human’, and from what I’ve been told, or informed of in a knowing way, is that this is the reason that many of us are alive on earth right now. We are here to be present, front and center, for the next big leap.
One more note: I’ll be spending more time writing off-line in the months to come, plus I have a few long journeys scheduled up to the end of the year. This is sure to result in fewer blog posts, but I will do my best to share as often as I can.
Excerpt from October 2005 writing:
The waves of pure bliss would come in the darkest and quietest moments of sleep and dreamtime. I would become aware that something unusual was happening to me somewhere between the time that my back arched up off the bed, arms and fingers outstretched; and the half-shouting, animal-like moaning sounds that seemed to be my body’s way of already joyously thanking this primal love frequency that my mind simply could not categorize, control, and least of all respond to. I have discovered that the mind must have a way of framing information before it can even ‘think’ about responding to such an interruption of normalcy.
For years I read everything I could get my hands on about extraterrestrials, abductions, wisdom from our ‘space brothers’, etc. Nothing completely satisfied me. Sure, I had experienced some of the more classic symptoms of being ‘taken’ from my bed, having an alien baby, and being ‘worked on’ by strange-looking beings while laid out on a metal table. You know, everyday talk around the watercooler. These experiences were wild and mind-blowing, but imagine experiences like that paling in comparison to the ‘love visits’ that I couldn’t, for the life of me, find a framework or a file folder for. Even though I spent every spare moment over the last two decades reading everything from “Autobiography of a Yogi” to the latest books on research in quantum physics, there simply was no place to ‘put’ these experiences to the degree that I could wash my hands of it and walk away… or get on with the living of a ‘normal’ life. So I would forget…until it happened again. Then forget again. And back it would come. This cycle has continued to today – into this very moment that I find myself recollecting it and recording it in the form of words on a page.
Today I am aware of this energy and its presence throughout my life because it has evolved. Today it comes while I am awake. It comes when I least expect it; it comes when I ask. And when it comes it has the power to literally bring me to my knees, with weeping, like I would imagine the sick and infirmed did when Jesus laid his hand on them and they were healed. I know now that they probably weren’t just weeping with joy because they were happy to be healed. I’m certain that they were quite happy about that, but still I feel that there is more. Perhaps this is what happens to the physical body when it’s in the presence of pure Love. I believe that our bodies have the capacity and the wisdom to ‘remember’ and respond in moments such as these, to restore itself to the truth of life; to the truth of who we really are. The body celebrates through an ecstatic outcry that in my experience follows the sudden and quick inhalation of the divine breath of life, the long-lost manna, the waters of life that we have all but forgotten in our busy lives. We might have fallen into a deep sleep, but thankfully our bodies have the innate wisdom to respond – to dance, to shout, to weep with joy.
It’s sad that people still think tears are sad. I have found in my interactions with other humans that the expression of feelings in general are very frightening – as if they must guard against and protect themselves from ‘catching the disease’ that caused the nearby ‘victim’s’ feelings to come out in unexpected and seemingly uncontrollable ways. I must agree though, the honest expression of feelings does possess the power to blow down or annihilate carefully crafted images of the self as well as the world. It can also lead to full communion – a conscious connection with Creation itself.
With these powerful ‘visits’ came indescribable bliss and ecstasy, as well as the repetitive and complete destruction of my current world view – whatever that was at the time; and then of course the slow rebuilding again. Over and over, this was the pattern in my life. And there was no one around me, and I mean no one, who seemed to have the capacity to help. So I began to talk out loud, with feeling, to any angel, spirit helper, Jesus, God… (anyone, please!) who might hear and respond. Turns out I had a lot to talk about in my seemingly endless one-way conversations. I gave up on anyone actually answering pretty early on, which turned out to be a key turning point for me. This evolved into my own simple pleasure of releasing honest feelings, along with the surprise of finding a few delightful epiphanic gifts along the way. I really got to know myself; I laughed with myself. I cried with myself… and more importantly, I fell in love with myself. And then one fine day I must have rounded a new corner with this exercise; because on this day, much to my astonishment, someONE answered…