Naturalized Citizen

I died that day. It was about fifteen years ago, after a few years of working for some of the largest companies in the defense industry. At least it felt like a death to me. On that particular day, I had been feeling the usual heaviness and discomfort from all-day typing and compiling of data from within a sealed vault. I did that a lot back then, holding a secret clearance and all. The content was most troubling and I often wondered why I, such a peaceful person, would land in a job such as this. As I gathered my things around 5:30 p.m. to make the usual trek to the parking lot, I felt exhausted… spent, as they say. I seemed to carry more sadness than I could call my own.

Upon emerging from the giant glass doors to the outside world, I stopped dead in my tracks. Splashed before me, across the entire western sky, was the most beautiful sunset I had ever seen. I’ve seen a lot of stunning sunsets in my life; this one was beyond extraordinary. I was so taken by its beauty that I dropped a few of my things. There I stood with my purse and lunch bag at my feet, trying to catch my breath as tears streamed down my face. It was surreal as many others who’d been discharged from their daily obligations poured out the doors around me. My unyielding form didn’t seem to interfere with their flow, like gushing waters oblivious to a randomly anchored stone. At this time of day there were millions with no other thought but to return to the comforts of home by way of a busy thoroughfare. I was perfectly still, going nowhere, and in the deafening quiet, a greater sense of Home seemed to envelop me.

Time stopped and the beauty of the sky pierced directly into my heart. I realized how far I had traveled in this life, beyond the boundaries of all that is true, real, and natural. I stood there, completely dumbstruck for what seemed to be hours, and when I did finally return to everyday consciousness, I discovered that the parking lot had thinned and it was growing dark. I wiped my eyes and gathered up my things, but before completely crossing back into my old world and re-entering the ordinary stream of consciousness and traffic that day, I made a special request.

In that moment, I asked out loud, “Please dear God, let me just be one molecule that helps to create this kind of beauty, this kind of magic… just one molecule and I would be forever grateful.” I went on to state that I couldn’t go on this way – at least not now. I knew too much to do that. I had been exposed to a level of beauty and grace that had the power to obliterate all of what I had thought to be true and real. And what purpose I held secret clearance for was nothing compared to this level of intelligence. As far as I was concerned, this WAS the ultimate in intelligence and I didn’t even have to have a secret clearance for it. Just open your eyes Eileen, and there it is!

I managed to get to my car and write down the words that were coming so rapidly. Much later it became a song called, “Almost Time”, on my 2nd solo CD. I have continued to ‘naturalize’ my life ever since, having been blessed with many deaths and rebirths – from a mechanized way of thinking to the return of a wholly new and earthly perspective. I believe that the Creator did indeed hear me that day. I feel guided, loved and supported in my increasing awareness of the natural world and my citizenship within this beautiful place. It is here that I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that all of us have a magnitude of power to be and do extraordinary things just by being who we are. Sunsets live and die everyday, radiating and broadcasting a natural beauty and grace for all who will see it and take it in. Many of us are awakening to this now, and we’re meeting up to change the world. It seems in our own creative ways we asked to join the sunset, died, and became the dawn.

Almost Time
I remember the day I died
Upon my five o’clock release
From the cold machine
I walked out to a painted sky
That took my breath away
And I cried
God let me be alive!

And yeah we’re all afraid
As we head for home tonight
But it’s alright
‘Cause the colors live inside
And I can hear
Yes I can hear
It’s almost time

I remember the night I flew
A wounded frame lay in sleep
As spirit soared
Then came the pain
Of my return
The gift slipped through my hands
And I cried
God let me stay alive

And yeah we’re all afraid
As we head for home tonight
But it’s alright
‘Cause the navigator lives inside
And I can hear
Yes I can hear

I’m at the center of the bridge
And it’s a terrifying place
I am here to lose my life
As my soul cries out in haste
Come to me finally
I’ve waited for this day
I’ve longed for you and loved you
Rest now
No more pain

I remember the day I died
Sinking down to the bottom of the world
I found the sun
Another life lost
Another soul gained
Like a newborn I’ve arrived
And I cry God…

We’re all afraid
As we head for home tonight
But it’s alright
‘Cause the whole world turns inside
And I can hear
Yes I can hear
… its time

© 2002 (Music & Words) Eileen Meyer

2 thoughts on “Naturalized Citizen

  1. Your experience sounds so magical, like it is beyond words, but thank goodness for them because it allows us to tell the stories, sing the songs and make the art! Thanks for the post.


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