I received a call last week from a professional friend on another planet. Actually, that’s not true. I’m the one on the other planet now. My past (and its cast of characters) is apparently still on Earth, successfully humming along without me.
The reason I even bring it up now is because of a most unusual and noticeable feeling I had in my body while communicating over the phone with this person. Initially it was shock, then outright panic as I searched for the proper interface originally designed to communicate with those in the ‘professional’ realm. As you may have guessed, I used to have a professional life – a software program that I haven’t run for some time, due to the fact that, well… I needed a break.
Did you ever see that old TV game show from the 60’s, “To Tell the Truth“? I feel that I’ve been playing a slightly different version of this game over the last 20 years. They had a famous line at the end of the show – after the celebrities had asked a series of questions and ultimately had to guess which person was telling the truth. My version of this question is, “Will the real self please stand up?”
I see it this way: With each role or program in my past – whether it be friend, daughter, sister, wife, roommate, singer, co-worker, etc., there is a corresponding image that I handed over to all the participants during the time that I played that role. These ‘others’ accepted the image, added a bit of their own embellishments to it, and together we ran this program fairly successfully. Well… I find that things run well if one consistently meets the expectations of others, as well as one’s own, in that specific environment. I was far from consistent, and I noticed that generally speaking most people don’t like unexpected program changes from their friends, family and coworkers. At the end of the show my real self would stand up, ‘tell the truth’, and need to move on.
“Why do you need to do THAT Eileen? Why can’t you just be happy with the way things are? This is how the world works! Everyone does it this way. You have so much to be grateful for. Don’t rock the boat!”
Indeed. I always had much to be grateful for. [grate•ful ORIGIN mid 16th cent.: from obsolete grate ‘pleasing, agreeable’] But what happens when the user has a transformational experience, coming into direct contact with the Universal System which demonstrates the PLEASING experience of oneness thereby canceling out all known human definitions of ‘pleasing and agreeable’? It is a quandary, I dare say.
What happens is, even if you try you cannot maintain an alignment with the current platform anymore; operating systems crash and you withdraw to ponder it all – the Source, the Universal System. Instantly we are transported to a vast spherical existence, well beyond the more familiar, linearly-coded one. It is here, if we do indeed continue to wake up each morning, that we MUST completely recreate ourselves in order to maintain our existence in form.
So you see, when I receive a call from the past under these contemplative circumstances, I may as well be in my mother’s body in the 1950’s with my best girlfriend on the other end of the line inviting me out to the soda shop ’cause that new boy with the dreamy eyes will be there’. “…All the other girls are going”, she sings out. “Make sure you wear that fab new poodle skirt with the pink scarf!”
Get the picture? I’ve got zero reference with that self or that environment. It’s not even from my life! I want to respond, but I can’t seem to re-call the original image, the program, or any file that fits the situation – as if it’s on some external hard drive, stored in some distant solar system. And while I’m desperately searching for it, my body protests with a general nausea and malaise – strongly objecting to my emergency efforts to return to the confines of an outdated, unhealthy, inaccurate and ineffective presentation of the self. It is an awkward feeling when you can’t access your old files, and because there’s a real person waiting on the other end of the phone you feel compelled to react instantaneously. My friend asked me a simple business question that would have been a piece of cake for my old self, but I ended up sounding like an idiot whose brain and mouth were seized, separated, and taken hostage to opposite ends of the universe.
“Yeah… um… sure… poodle skirt?”
It’s the ‘point of no return’ when you realize that your old operating system, originally designed to interact with the so-called ‘Real World’, is completely dysfunctional and useless. Why do we need these interfaces in the first place? I imagine it is because there is too much of a perceived distance between the BIG system and the smaller little programs, an insurmountable language barrier, or an outright belief that we can’t just be ONE with the Universal System to begin with, let alone provide meaningful and valuable service to ourselves as well as others while in this state. Or perhaps it’s because we’ve been wrong all along in our definition of the ‘Real World’. Is the ‘Real World’ humanity’s own creation in time and space that has a repetitive looping interface with itself and remains oblivious to its original Source? Or is the ‘Real World’ all that is in the beginning, and into eternity – long before and after any human ever conceived of writing code?
While I am comforted by the fact that others seem to be going through this phenomenon as well, rapidly transforming their lives into more truthful and benevolent ones, the alone-ness that one may experience in this operating-system crash can be painful at times. I liken it now to the labor pains that precede the birth or the restart of the REAL SELF in the REAL WORLD – where the design for life is ONE with all life – no programming required.
Question for benevolent guidance: I feel like I’ve created a whole new self and literally reside in a new world now, where I experience peace, creativity, and fulfillment on a daily basis. Words cannot describe how really wonderful this is – until someone or something appears from my past, demanding the presence of an old self to return and meet expectations. Any practical advice on staying in and speaking from the present orientation of self under these circumstances?